Living on the Edge!

I was almost arrested for urinating (aka whoopin' my junk out) in public this past weekend. No, it wasn't on the side of some bar or anything like that... it was on my way up to the Bay Area on Highway 5. Yes, I am that awesome.

Predictable?

Is it sad that when I call my favorite deli, they know me by what I order? (The prosciutto or mahi mahi, and a side of pickle! As my friend would say, NOM FUCKING NOM!) I feel like there was an episode or movie about this... wait. Oh... oh dear. It just came to me, but now I'm too embarrassed to say it. Aw hell with it... it was an episode of Sex and the City. Now before you go and bombard me with your lame to mediocre-at-best homosexual jokes, know that it comes on after F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and I was probably too lazy to turn off the TV because I was blogging. So yeah, suck on that one. Suck on it hard.

A Worthwhile Book Signing

Publishers have been lining up at the White House because Laura Bush wants to write her memoirs shortly after moving out in January. George W, on the other hand, will probably have to wait a few years before writing any kind of book (apparently being unpopular doesn't help with the sales). But you know when he does write his first book, it's gonna change the world. I honestly have no idea what he'd write about, but I'd imagine it'd be something like this:

• Y'all Were Dreaming, This is What Really Happened During My Two Terms, Bitches!
• Tuesdays with Kim Jong
• My Wife('s Book) Sucks
• Where's Waldo: WMD Edition
  
• Cookin' with Dubya: Recipes for Sucksex

Or it'll just be a collection of doodles on meeting agendas.

Eek! Fires in Southern CA!

I turned on the news this morning to find out that the Los Angeles area is on fire... again. I think the closest fire (to me) is about 20 miles away!

I took this picture around 1pm from the top of the parking garage at work... yeah, the fires are pretty crazy. Anyway, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got to go...

Go play Gears of War 2. Please don't judge me.

Going Mobile, Bitches!

This is my new blogging toy! Sigh, I know... who knew blogging could be so expensive, right? Well I'm tellin' ya... going out to the local coffee shop and/or bookstore and blogging from there is so much more enjoyable than being at home. For one, I enjoy eavesdropping on other people's conversations. You wouldn't believe some of the shit I hear! Just yesterday I sat next to a girl who was trying to convince her friends that old people are super kinky and have sex all the time. Which is true, you know, but her friends were stupid and didn't believe her. They're so naive!

The Post-Election Recap

Ugh... I can't believe I haven't blogged anything since last Monday! I'm sorry, folks... no excuses. Well, let me just quickly recap what has gone on during the past week:

• Erection! The black guy won and I'm pretty sure I saw Oprah cry.
  
• I've noticed that the black people at work have had an extra bounce in their step. They're either happy about the election, or eating at Roscoe's every night.
  
• The biggest issue for President-elect Osama is deciding what type of puppy will terrorize the White House for the next four years.
• A bunch of gays (as well as normal people) gathered in LA to march against the evil Anti-Gays.
• Paris Hilton announced that she is still running for President this year. Go Paris! Never give up!
  

That's all for now. Fairwell and until next time!

Election Eve

Tomorrow is the big day, folks! Be sure you get one of 'em "I Voted" stickers! A bunch of places are offering free stuff if you have one! 

These aren't confirmed, but from what I've heard... Krispy Kreme is giving out doughnuts, Ben & Jerry's is offering a free scoop of ice cream between 5-8pm, and Starbucks will give you a free tall coffee. 

So basically, if you do your civic doodie, these companies will support your gluttony and our economy will continue to flounder because it's not being stimulated with our hard-earned money. 

Yeah, I intentionally misspelled duty to make it look like doodie...

What up!

Welcome to the Watercooler, Bitches!

No post today, folks! My place wreaks of burnt chicken and I've been trying to get rid of the smell since this afternoon. 

For those of you who followed my last blog, please swap out the links! 

Thanks!