I Swear This is Real

The thoughtful people at Findgift.com have this incredible list of gift ideas for the people in your life who are more special than others. I was browsing through the "Gifts for Mom" section when I came across this amazing little gem. I thought to myself, "Boy, I bet mom would love to be reminded of her younger, wilder days when she was a groupie and had lots and lots of unprotected sex! Gee willickers!" Can you even imagine the expression on your mom's face when she opens your gift and finds this adorable herpes plush doll? It's so cute I could just die!



You can order your very own by clicking here, located towards the bottom of the page.

This is Kind of Late News

I haven't done too much reading into this but there are folks out there that say President-elect Barack Obama might soon be the first President-eject. (YES, I totally made that word up myself. Thanks for asking!) I think this has gone all the way up to a really high court, maybe Supreme. I would do a little research but I'm totally not feelin' it right now. I know, annoying right?

Well, I just thought this entire thing was silly. These people are debating whether or not Obama was a U.S. citizen when he was born, or something like that. Completely ridiculous! Black people are not BORN anymore. Do your research people. It's like saying, "Mmm, this McDonald's chicken sandwich is so real and probably came from a real chicken that was born." Joke's on you, pal. Everybody knows that chicken was cloned and raised for one purpose: to be fucking delicious. In the same way, black people are created in labratories to be super specialized in one area. As a favor to you, I will list the specialized categories currently aiding our world today as well as a person that best fits that category:

• Athletics (Usain Bolt, Olympic Gold Medalist)
• Academia (Albert Einstein, not really black)
  
• Philantropy (Oprah Winfrey, black person)
• Comedy (Tracy Morgan, fucking genius)
• Politics (Denzel Washington as Malcom X, actor)
• Fashion (Tyra Banks, when I was young and she was hot)
• Music (Kanye West, check out his new album in stores now!)
• Food (Colonel Sanders, Kentucky Fried Chicken)
• Technology (Afro Ninja, YouTube celebrity)
  

I'm probably missing a few, but I think you get the general idea. Or, as my black people would say... actually, they would have probably said the same thing, except maybe a bit more eloquent. They're born lyricists, afterall.

Story of My Life

This past weekend, my little sister forcefully dragged me to watch Twilight. Yeah, you've probably heard of it... it stars the NEW BRAD PITT, apparently. Pretty bold statement, Trebek. Well, the hype around this movie was pretty nuts, mostly because Hollywood gave millions of nerdy 12-year-old girls *DROOL* exactly what they had been longing for... the vampire version of Edward Scissorhands. I can totally see why all these girls swoon over this guy though. He's strong, fast, romantic, pale, and a vampire. Basically, he's everything I am (minus the vampire part).